I recall this post recently thinking of what makes a relationship the right one. Think about it. Most relationships today seem superficial and sometimes only a few layers deep. Remove, Netflix, sex, money, and food most relationships would age like racist white people or spoiled milk. People need constant validation, reassurance, stimulation, etc. from their significant others to feel like the relationship is a success but what happens when all those things are not in play? Do you love the presence of your significant other? Is their being the true gift that matters to you? What does your relationship have to have to make it the right one? Or rather yet what should all relationships have to stand the test of time? It seems rather simple right? Most people will say loyalty, trust, effective communication, respect, sexual chemistry, and love. Then some may say God and prayer, and some may say they must be equally yoked and must like each other. However, these things are just layers beneath the surface but they’re not the very core. The question seems more complex the more I think about it. There’s a bit of subjectivity here as well. The right relationship could mean many different things to other people. For me I’m trying to find a universal truth here or as close as I can get to one.
Romantic relationships differ from familial relationships as those are relationships you are born into but for strong familial relationships is where romantic relationships do have to have the same for both. You choose your friends, and those relationships are very similar to romantic relationships in that they too have the possess some of the same aspects to be long term. So, I was sitting and thinking what the commonalities between all these relationships in order are to really thrive in a way that if you took the same bond and place them in any time, in any environment and in any stressful situation they will always come out stronger on the other end. So, what came to mind: understanding and willing to understand, true vulnerability and the capacity to choose them over yourself when necessary.
All types of relationships suffer when one of those are lacking. It’s not finances that destroy homes it’s the inability to choose a life with them without financial security. It’s not the lack of sex for there are people that will understand each other in ways that sex never lacks or hinders their growth which only can come from true vulnerability with each other. It really boils down to people never really feel safe with each other or they can never feel comfortable to feel the shame of the other person seeing them at their worst. We have only what the person says and do to trust and for many people that’s not enough especially if they have an active mind. Families are created that go thru motions and routines but the ones that are truly close and willing to do anything for each other are the ones that had difficult moments and took the time to understand while being truly vulnerable because they chose them over themselves.
There’s fight, flight or freeze when we approach dangerous predators or find ourselves in a dangerous situation. This also happens within relationships emotionally as well. In most relationships fight, flight and freeze are all the common responses when conflict arises. But in emotional conflicts it needs to end in none of them for meaningful growth. Of course, at times one of those actions could be used at first but to truly resolve conflict there needs to be Finding at the end. Finding compromise, finding a resolution, and finding understanding are the actions needed for strengthening and deepening bonds that will never weaken.
Yoruba Demons 