Being a people pleaser is probably the right of passage for first gens. I mean why wouldn’t it be, when we’re pratically raised to be at service to our parents. And being of service to your parents means always doing something to give them pride and joy. Then of course it was the constant comparison to others. If you’re not doing anything to give your Naija parents a reason to brag then you might as well be invisible.
Nigerians are raised to perform in a way to make their parents proud. However, it doesn’t stop there. It is inevitable for someone raised in this kind of environment to become a people pleaser in their various types of relationships. Then as you get older you find yourself being unable to say “No” at times because well your damn identity is stoked in being the one that provides value to others. Then add in the pressures of being a man who provides, well, then you have the compound effect of creating this convoluted identity amongst all your relationships precipicating an inevitable doom. Not many people can keep that facade going forever. But it can last a very long time if you never become aware of this. It takes some self-awareness and honestly with yourself in order for one to realize this about oneself. You then must take a long honest talk with yourself (I suggest therapy) and come to the conclusion if you want to continue a life of being afraid to say “No” and no longer allow yourself to live pleasing others instead of yourself. It takes a villian origin story where you no longer give in to that side of you and become selfish only doing things that truly interest you. You begin setting boundaries that you respect. It can feel like you have become a bad person but you’re not as long as you clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings in a loving way and you are being true to yourself!
Yoruba Demons 