I’m scared, terrified, of being some ordinary guy in the future. I don’t mean ordinary like in a way of being famous or something. I don’t care about that. I don’t give a fuck about being some lavishly rich famous person. I just mean ordinary in the sense that I don’t accomplish my biggest fucking goals. That I become this middle-aged man and I’m disappointed in myself. It fucking scares me because I just felt like I was destined to do something to change this world. It’s like realizing you are some NPC (non playable character) in another person’s story as if your life is made to be some extra because if you haven’t accomplished your goals, your biggest desire then it’s like what is life about then. Then you get into this really weird existential crisis and get in the feedback loop just giving you more anxiety. I need to chill right? Is this hitting too close to home for you or is this like what the fuck is this dude talking about but you can’t help to stop reading because you just want to see where this thing goes right?
I honestly don’t even know what i’m writing to be honest. I’m laughing high as fuck just thinking about life. Right now I’m really happy and I guess I need to create problems for some odd reason. I really love my life and i think it’s because I love it but being a firstborn-generation Nigerian-Yoruba to be exact-you feel inadequate. Sigh! If you grew up like me you might get what I am talking about or maybe not. I am kind of like the weird one I think in the family. But for me growing up you could just never sit still and not do anything and be happy about it, your Dad would get pissed as if rest is the devil lurking or something. So you had to always be doing something productive something to make you smarter, make you brilliant that you are number one in class and in life to feel like you had to win their respect and love.
The odd thing is you know your parents are proud of you but you don’t still feel like it truly. Like you feel like you are supposed to be more than what you are right now. You feel you were supposed to have reached a point in your life by now that you should be able to retire them. So in a way you feel like somewhat of a failure. This is funny because I never would have thought these things thru if I wasn’t fucking high for one but also for the fact that I have like really explored parts of my life very deeply especially after doing shrooms. If you haven’t done shrooms do it! I need to do it again. But doing it allowed me to really face some inner demons. I don’t know why we use that phrase, well I really mean myself because I am not even Christian.
Well this is ironic-this is the first Blog so..
WELCOME TO A YORUBA DEMON’S THOUGHTS!
Yoruba Demons 